Sunday, September 26, 2010

Are You Building Walls

So many individuals come to see me everyday and struggle to forgive others for deceiving them, hurting them, and causing emotional pain. It is as if these individuals construct a strong emotional wall to keep the person from getting close to them again so that they feel protected and prevent any further damage from that person. However many times I find that in constructing that emotional wall individuals begin to shut out other people and not just the one person that they constructed the wall for in the first place. This can cause further damage in individuals lives as they push away everyone, believing that no one can be trusted or allowed to get close enough to them to cause pain emotionally or physically.

Once an individual begins to have this pattern of behavior in their lives they can begin to push away all individuals and prevent themselves from seeing that not all individuals are negative or hurtful. They may decrease the chance of being hurt by others but they are also preventing themselves from being loved by others as well. The wall not only keeps out those who are negative but those who can create positive emotional and relational growth in the persons life.
Even constructing a wall against someone who has hurt them can prevent them from being able to heal in that relationship if the other person is attempting to seek healing and change as the wall creates blindness towards the other persons positive actions. I tell individuals at least to take a few bricks down from that wall at eye sight so they can look upon the person who hurt them as that person may be doing everything possible to make amends and create healing.

What walls have you constructed in your life? Who are the individuals that motivated you to construct those walls? Are the walls really protecting you or are they creating a barrier that is hindering your relationship(s)?

Boundaries are the direction to take in relationships instead of walls. If someone hurts you over and over then it may be time to set boundaries of what you will accept and not accept in healthy relationships. Boundaries will empower you where as walls can close you in.

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